Monday, September 23, 2013

Notes and Miscellanea... and Dancing Nuns

Just a collection of notes and miscellanea today…

Item 1

The leading story:  Apparently my whole pack decided to jump Race Bannon’s shit.  LOL.  It’s classic pack behavior: the Alpha makes an aggressive move toward somebody and – blink – the whole pack is bearing its collective teeth and moving in for the kill.  It started when Race Bannon re-posted some idiot’s rant about how educators and demos are ruining kink, and Bannon praised this post as being so insightful and wise.  You can find it here; it really does read like Old Man Yells at Cloud.

And in response we have…
Sir’s well-argued logic flavored with growly irritation:

As for my own 2-cents… well, I’ve already addressed this issue a couple of ways:
Here, where I correctly argued that lecture-formatted classes have their place (to give basic info and introduce ideas) when supplemented w/ other avenues to pursue more in-depth hands-on learning:
And here, where I correctly argued that there is nothing wrong w/ having BOTH open, inclusive education and networking groups (like CAPEX) and exclusive play-party groups (like Atlanta Dominion):

Well, now that I’ve given you enough links to send you off in ten different directions…

Item 2

The other day, my lovely Owner and I (along w/ our Poet friend) were walking the streets of Ashville when Ma’am looked up ahead and observed, “There’s a nun in a short skirt dancing on a table.”

To which I could only reply, “Jeez, another one?”

And then we went to see Hamlet at Shakespeare in the Park…

Item 3

Thanks to Episode of 45 of the No Safe Word podcast kinky people around the whole world now know that Loki has a “rather large hydrant.”

(What’s really scandalous, though, is that it was Stick’s Maggie who made Sir’s hydrant so large. 0.o  )

Item 4

(Related to the above)

I really, really like packing for Dominion with Loki!  Of course, “packing for Dominion” is a lot like “nap,” which Sir defines as being in bed during the day – not necessarily doing anything restful there.

Item 5

(Related to the above)

I discovered, Sunday morning, that Sir likes Miley Cyrus.  Who knew?  (I debated whether to elaborate on that… but, no, I think I’ll just leave that as our in-joke.)

Item 6

Atlanta Dominion was Sunday.  I got to lick a boy wearing a full, Joe Rocket sportbike riding suit… and I got to share Sir’s bone with Puppy Hunter.  Yea teamwork!  Go team!  So… yes, Atlanta Dominion = much hotness.

Item 7

(Speaking of hotness...)

 My Owner, the pyro-kitten, has taken up fire dancing w/ poi balls.  Stay tuned to her Fet for photos to come.

Item 8

(Speaking of my fantastic Owner...)

I recently got a new wolfhound shirt.  (I collect T-shirts w/ Irish wolfhounds stuff on them.)  I showed it to Ma'am - it's a beige tee w/ a drawing of a wolfhound's head on it.  She looked at it and said in all seriousness, "It looks just like you!"  We both then laughed, and she explained, "That's how I picture you."  LOL.

That was a few days ago, and then, Saturday, Ma'am and I woke-up snuggled-up in bed after a nap (an actual nap, not a Loki "nap").  She said that she had been dreaming, and that in her dream I was a bio-wolfhound, but still me, just in the body of a wolfhound.  And when she woke-up, she said she was momentarily surprised to see human-me, expecting to see a big, shaggy dog in bed w/ her. I thought that was cute and worth sharing.

And that is what's going on in my world.

Thursday, September 5, 2013

Poly: Who’s No 1? Who’s No 2?

I started to write a reply to a post by NTempest, but as it expanded in my head I realized I really needed to make it a blog post of its own.

NTempest made this post, “But I still don’t want to be poly…” which you can read if you’re on Fet, but in a nutshell: he’s been w/ his partner for many years, recently added a new (poly) boyfriend.  At first this was clearly defined as a secondary relationship… but now they are re-evaluating that language, what it means, and if it’s appropriate.

First:  Thank you, NTempest, for posting this.  I thought it was very honest and rewarding to think about.  Poly isn’t easy.  Even if you’ve done it for years like Shdwkitten and I, you still – always – have obstacles to deal with.  That’s true of a relationship between 2 people, so of course the more people you add the more complex it grows… and the more room for misunderstandings and such.

For many years, Shdwkitten and I have had a way of doing things.  She has had many other partners, but one of our rules was that they always had to understand and accept that I am her primary.  Even when she “married” her (now ex) girlfriend, her then-“wife” still had to accept that I was Shdwkitten’s primary partner and there’s was always going to be a secondary relationship.  This (everyone knowing that Kitten and I are primary) was one of the few “non-negotiable” items I insisted on… and for many years that’s how things worked w/ us.

Recently, Ma’am (like NTempest) has grown less comfortable w/ the vocabulary of primary and secondary relationships… and I will confess that this has led to some pretty emotional moments between us as I try to deal w/ this shift and figure out what it means.

Ma’am (as I understand her) seems to have two reasons why she no longer likes saying primary-secondary.  One: she says that her relationships w/ each of her partners are so different, and she gets such different things from each, that trying to “rank” them feels like apples and oranges.  That’s understandable in-as-much as I think that’s why those of us who are poly, are poly.  I think very few people meet ALL their partner’s needs and wants.  (On the other hand… I’m not sure that contradicts the notion of setting priorities, but…)

What NTempest wrote struck a familiar cord w/ me b/c part of it is almost exactly what Ma’am has recently said to me, and that’s her second reason for growing uncomfortable w/ the primary-secondary vocabulary.  Namely: It makes it sound like you’re promising to ALWAYS be willing to abandon plans w/ partner No 2 anytime that partner No 1 says so.

Now, to me, I think that’s clearly not the case.  That’s not what “primary” means to me.  I would hope Ma’am would know that I would not play some “trump card” on her other partners just to be a dick.  “I know you want to go visit X, but I want you to go to a movie w/ me and I’m No 1, so I trump X.”  That’s dickish, and I would never do that.  NTempest wrote: “I also had to point out that even before KZ came along we weren't always each others' priorities in every decision. I'm guessing this is true of most couples who are honest about it. There have been times when I have needed him, and he went with friends instead. I'm sure I have done similar.”  Of course that’s true.  I don’t think saying “Emrys is partner No 1” means “My every decision and every choice must ALWAYS revolve around him.”  That’s silly.

What I’ve said to Ma’am all along is that when she dates other people and when she falls in love w/ other people, I’m okay w/ that… but I need her to be able to look them in the eye and say, w/o and prevarication or hesitation, “Emrys is my No 1 partner.  He’s my husband – my life-partner.  He’s my soul-mate.  He’s the love of my life.  We will always be together, and if you want me in your life, Emrys is part of the package.”  It’s very important to me that all of her significant others know that.  And I want that for their benefit as well as mine – I don’t want anybody getting any false hopes…

For my part, anyone other than Ma’am I get involved with, I have no problem saying to them in an instant, “The Kitten is my No 1.  Nobody else comes close."  Doesn’t mean I can’t have other people in my life, but they will never be in the same level as my relationship w/ Ma’am.  And if someone I were involved w/ thought for a moment they might replace Shadwkitten as my primary partner… sorry, Charlie!  I know that in some ways things are somewhat easier on my side b/c I wear Ma’am’s collar and wedding ring: two very clear, obvious, tangible signals to one-and-all that I belong, body, heart, and soul, to Shdwkitten.  I guess the fact that Ma’am doesn’t wear such obvious symbols (she can’t wear a wedding band anymore b/c it seems to trigger some kind of arthritic reaction in her knuckles) makes it, I guess, all the more important to me that she is so very upfront and categorical w/ other people she’s dating about who comes first, foremost, and forever.

Of course you get different things for different relationships w/ different people.  I get that.

Of course nobody is ALWAYS going to be the center of your attention or (obnoxiously) “trump” everybody else’s needs.  Such a person would be either narcissistic or insecure… and in either case you wouldn’t want to be in a relationship w/ them in the first place.

But I, personally, still want everyone involved in the wacky chain molecule that makes up our family to know that Shdwkitten is my primary and I’m hers.  Does that make sense?  Is that fair?

Monday, September 2, 2013

Two Great Weekends (Kinky Geeky Stuff!)

Last weekend my lovely Owner took her took her puppy up to the Maryland Renaissance Fair along w/ our friend, Poet.  We had a great time (despite a bummer ending for Poet).  It’s about a 6 hour drive from our place – nothing too bad.  We rode up together Friday evening, and were at the Fair site bright and early Saturday morning.  Traffic was fine, lines were fine, and the crowed was fine.  The Maryland RenFair is a great location: about twice the area of our Charlotte RenFair and has lots and lots of trees (it’s almost all shaded, and we didn’t even need to use the sun-screen we brought).  We had a great time walking around, drinking lots and lots of beer, and ogling the eye candy.  They have a reptile show and we got to see a really, freaking huge snake.  Shakespeare’s Scum was, I think, our favorite act we saw; we saw their funny versions of Richard III and Romeo & Juliette.  I solved a math puzzle presented by one of the wandering entertainers.  We ate the obligatory RenFair food (Scotch eggs!)… and did I mention the beer?  There was a lot of beer.  They also have a fun, long slide made of polished wood… and a Ren-themed bookstore where I bought a fabulous little anthropology/folklore book about werewolves written in 1930, which cracks me up reading it b/c it is so un-self-critical in it’s obvious Christian bias in that wonderfully naïve way that only a 1930’s “folklorist” could be – like he frequently refers to the MalleusMaleficarum as this definitive, authoritative source of information.  I love reading anthro/folklore work from that era in general b/c it has this Indiana Jones meets HP Lovecraft in a completely non-PC way that, assuming you don’t find it totally offensive, is really quite fun and charming.

Anyway… Shdwkitten at Ren!  Always a source of entertainment.  While I was solving the afore-mentioned math puzzle, Shdwkitten was chatting w/ this guy who complemented her ink, and then found out she was there w/ her husband and a “boyfriend” (sort of) whom she’s also seeing, and then… he starts hitting on her.  And he’s married, but he’s totally wanting to cheat on his wife (who isn’t there) w/ her.  She teased him, and it was very funny.  But then she topped that.  Because later, we were chilling, and she complemented this cute, 21-year-old, muscular guy on his ink, and then they start chatting.  Now, I’m wearing my collar and Ma’am is petting my hair while also hugging Poet, so this guy makes a reasonable assumption and asks, “Are you on Fet?”  LOL.  He turns out to me Roughmeup99 on Fet… and before we’re done, Ma’am bends him over a fence and, right in front of the crowed, God, everyone, and a couple of Japanese tourists who took pictures, she body-punches his back and claws him bloody.  LOL.  It was just a brief encounter, but we all had a good laugh, and we’re hopping to get-together again – possibly at our RenFair in Charlotte next month… *knock on wood*

The only bummer was that Saturday night Poet came down w/ a fever… which developed into strep… which caused him to miss Dragon*Con.  :(

Which brings me to my second amazing weekend: This weekend was Dragon.  For those who don’t know, Dragon*Con is one of the largest sci-fi/fantacy/gaming cons in the nation.  It’s freaking HUGE.  In fact, it’s too huge, which is why I haven’t gone to one in five or six years.  My first Dragon was in 1990 or ’91, back when it was just in one hotel and a few thousand people.  Then it grew to 2 hotels and was cool… 3 hotels was alright for a while.  But now attendance is over 50,000 people and it’s in 5 hotels.  The last one Ma’am and I went to in ’07 or ‘08 was so f-ing crowded that we just didn’t have a good time.  We felt like we were either standing in lines or crushed in crowds all… day… long.  So we both kind of said: Never again.

Never say never.

Sir contacted Ma’am a couple of days before Dragon and let her know he had an extra badge available.  I thought it over… and said, what the hell?  I’m so glad I did b/c I had a great time. 

Traveling solo, I arrived Friday evening and joined Sir and some friends in the Point of View Lounge for drinks and a game of Cards Against Humanity (the other game where the rules are made up and the points don't matter).  We had so much fun, and were laughing so much that three ladies from a neighboring table asked to join us.  George (Game of Thrones) Martin was also sitting at a neighboring table.  Unfortunately he didn’t ask to join us, b/c it would have been great to say we played Cards Against Humanity w/ George RR Martin.  (I didn’t see it, but Sir said that Martin was carrying a sign earlier that read, “Be nice to me or Tyrion gets it!”  LOL.)  The card game (somehow) led directly to sexy-fun-time back in our room.  I think it had something to do w/ being gang-banged by the Blue Man Group…?  I don’t know – I just seem to remember that at one time I had like four people biting me.

I had some great roommates, including a couple of our extended-pack members – Bishop & Gwynn.  The way I’ve explained our pack before (and this is just my take on it; I don’t speak for anybody else here): we have the sort of “core” group of pups who recognize Loki as our Alpha in some more-or-less formal, D/s way and we follow his protocols (which I think consist only of “Do what the fuck Sir tells us” and “Don’t like olives”), and that’s myself, Tebow, Soma, and Hunter... then there’s this more nebulous group of other pups who surround us and we also have loads of fun with, and that includes a wonderful couple of non-domestic-canine puppies: Bishop (hyena) and Gwynn (wolf).

Saturday morning, Sir had to do one of his speaking panel things, and an old friend of mine (one who I went to Dragon with back in ’90 or ’91 when we were teenagers) joined us for the day.  After Sir’s panel, we hiked over to the Dealer’s Room – which was huge and sprawling and labyrinthine.  At times I wasn’t sure if we were going to ever make it back out again.  I did drool over some Star Wars motorcycle/replica jackets, but I didn’t find anything that I both wanted and could afford.  (Although later I did buy a used-kilt off Bishop, so that was cool!)  Eventually we got out of the Dealer’s Room and got some food.  My friend and I tried to get in on a Marvel Supper Heroes RPG game but it filled-up.  That was disappointing b/c I haven’t played Marvel Super Heroes in like 20 years.  One slot opened on a classic dungeon crawl game so I let my friend take that… and so I headed back upstairs to rejoin Sir and co.  We went to the FeLife meet-n-greet.  I saw Noir (my Owner's Ma'am's Sir), but otherwise it was a bust b/c they held it right next to the karaoke and it was too, damn loud to meet-n-greet… so we left that to go to LGBT Rainbow Flag Party.  Sir had me on-leash, which always makes me a very happy puppy doggie!  *wags*  But this night it also served a practical function, as Sir was wearing his (incredibly awesome!!!) steampunk Saint Bernard leather-pup hood, which meant he couldn’t see well, so, leashed to him, I was also kind of acting as a seeing-eye-dog.

We left the party before it was too terribly late and went back to our hotel room for more sexy-fun-time.  I got pounced, and Sir and I had some wickedly primal sex.  He was in, as they say, “a mood.”  There was some pretty ferocious biting, clawing, howling, snarling, and growling from both of us; my brain just exploded – flooded w/ stimuli, I couldn’t tell whether I was horny, frightened, raging, exhausted, or super-energized… and there were blood stains on the bed sheets before we were done.  (I actually don’t remember how we finished; I think I actually just passed-out at some point.)  It was really, really good sex.  We woke-up still horny in the wee hours of the morning and somehow managed to have sex again, w/ less snarling and barking, w/o waking our roommates.

I saw lots of great costumes at Dragon... and lots of yummy eye candy, too.  There was at least one really hot Catwoman I saw, and a hot female Jango Fet... and one girl in leather fantasy armor who looked quite nice.  Lots of fursuiters, too, and some of those suits were just amazing.

I left shortly after Sunday breakfast.  I’ve decided that I would like to do Dragon again in the future.  Probably not next year – maybe every-other year – but only for a day!  The whole 4-day Dragon weekend is just way, way too much for me these days.  2 nights and 1 day was plenty.  I drove home Sunday and collapsed, physically and emotionally exhausted.  Fortunately there’s nothing on the calendar next weekend b/c I’m going to stay home and do nothing!  :)